day eighteen round two

I've been sick with a horrible cold all week and it's getting really old.  I know it's crazy but I worry so much that this won't work because I got sick AGAIN.  I got sick after the first IUI.  Ugh too much stress. 

days fourteen through seventeen round two

I'm sick.  I'm sick of being sick. 

day twevle round two & day thirteen round two

HAPPY EASTER! 

IUI was done this wonderful Easter morning.  Today was a wonderful, relaxing day at home with some family just wish the rest of them could have been here.  We are so blessed.

day eleven round two

I feel so blessed that my body is working correctly.  YAY for a follicle that is even bigger than last time, 28.3mm!  Our RE was so excited as were we.  Now onto the hCG shot tonight and the IUI on Easter morning.  COME ON BIRTHDAY BABY!

day ten round two

Life feels pretty overwhelming today but that seems like a common theme of my life.  I'm feeling ok about the ultrasound tomorrow but nervous at the same time.  I hate the waiting game.  At least my mom is home this time to be here for support just wishing my dad was too.

day nine round two

I never thought I'd be so excited to "feel" like my follicle is getting bigger!  I have twinges of mild pain, I guess you could call it that, on the right side of my body in the same place as last month which again it needs to be on the right side.  Continued prayers for a wonderful looking/sized follicle or follicles!

day eight round two

I'm just down right sad. 

day seven round two

I think a funk is taking over in our house.  BOO HISS BOO GO AWAY!  Fertility can be so all consuming and there does not seem to be a way out.  YUCK!  I finished my Letrozole today, my Metformin is stilllllllll making me sick and I'm really nervous about this coming weekend AND it's only MONDAY!

day six round two

After a night out in our old stomping ground we were pieces of laziness today.  We're too old for a long night out.

On a more exciting note I have been in contact about the property manager position well just phone tag but hopefully I can actually talk to her tomorrow and we will be able to move forward with a new job!

day five round two

So on top of being overwhelmed and stressed by our fertility treatments, we are both stressed out by the lack of work available for me right now which means no income leaving us wondering how we will pay for all of our medical bills.  I have been looking for a new job, sort of anything at this point since we need a steady income for both of us.  The biggest thing I love about my job is working from home, yesterday I came across a property management position which would require us to live at the property of a larger apartment complex.  This would be a huge change but worth it since rent would be free giving us more money to pay toward our medical bills.  The funny part about this job is we applied for it last fall and when I spoke to the lady regarding position she said I could not have a full time job while doing the management position so we decided it wouldn't work BUT now that I'm looking for a new job this seems to be perfect!  The lady emailed right away yesterday and I responded and now she wants me to call her...AHHH I'M NERVOUS!  This could be a HUGE answered prayer for us.  Please pray that this is the path the Lord wants us to take next in our life.

day four round two

It's just a bad day.  No known reason, I guess maybe it's just being on the Letrozole that makes me feel like everything in the world is wrong.  Maybe time to break some more shit!

day three round two

My ultrasound went well today.  Everything looks great per our doctor and nurse.  My next ultrasound to check for a follicle(s) is on Good Friday with the IUI landing on Easter.    Today the Lord answered another prayer by allowing the nurse who is so compassionate and comforting was my nurse today which was so wonderful to have her there since S couldn't go with to my ultrasound.  Our RE apparently really enjoys that my IUI would land on Easter because of the whole egg correlation :) he is too funny!

day two round two

I'm not really looking forward to going to my ultrasound tomorrow since it's being crammed into the middle of our day, we have an early day in Waukesha then in Madison AGAIN tomorrow night.  All this driving is starting to make me feel homeless.  YUCK!

And my belly can stop feeling yucky all the time.  It would be really appreciated body if you would just be "used" to the Metformin already it's been over 6 weeks now!

day one round two

I got my period this am which means the second attempt at an IUI cycle.  I have my day 3 ultrasound on Thursday mid morning to make sure everything is ok and all set to start taking the Letrozole again.  I thought was going to be ok with moving on but now I'm just feeling crappy and down and sad that we have to do this all over again and the thought of trying to find hope in all of this is what seems to make it even harder.

day thirty

and stillllllllll waiting....to get my period so we can move on...ugh like finding out you're not pregnant isn't hard enough but now having to wait.  Time to start stalking the doctor tomorrow to find out if this is "normal."

day twentyeight & day twentynine

After finding out Friday afternoon that my blood pregnancy test was negative I haven't had much to say, well I have but that needed to be vented out loud to my husband, parents and siblings.  Thank you guys to the moon and back for listening and hugging (and breaking ugly things) with me.  There is no way we could get through any of this without the support we have, there does not seem like there are enough words to express our love and gratefulness.

We have decided to try another cycle once I get my period, which is probably the most annoying about all of this, the waiting game and still having the thought in my head until my period comes is there any possible chance I might really be pregnant. 

day twentyseven

I decided to skip day twentysix because yesterday was just too much for me.  I was so sad and angry that I could even put it into words.  I hate feeling so anxious but it has helped having my family call and text just to check in last night and early today.  It means the world me to how supportive my family is, I could not have done it without them.  I LOVE YOU GUYS!

As for my appointment this am IT SUCKED!  It took 2 nurses and 4 tries to get blood drawn.  I hate blood and needles as most of you know.  I'm so thankful that my hubby was able to be there and hold my hand, talk to me, get me water when I felt like I was going to puke and pass out.  The nurses at the RE's office are so wonderful.  Now the waiting continues....

day twentyfive

All I can say is nothing feels better today.

day twentyfour

It's crazy how quickly feelings can go from "good and hopeful" to "horrible, down, sad, angry, etc" all in the matter of 2 days.  I'm feeling pretty angry at the world that we can't just have a baby, that we have to pay thousands of dollars just for an attempt at having a baby, so angry that there feels like there is no end in sight.  Then when I start feeling angry I get angry for being angry.  I'm angry about how destructive this has become in our life; emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, our faith is continually tested and questioned.  I pray that we do not have to do this again and that my "feelings" of this did not work this month are wrong.

day twentythree

Today began a super crazy busy week for work which is great since it helps keep our minds off the end of the week and the anxiety but on the other hand I have no motivation for so much work, I kind of want to just stay in my jammies for the week.  Nothing too exciting to report today just tired and that will be the common theme for this week, having to get up at 4:45am and not getting home until 7:30pm Monday through Thursday at least not too much going on this weekend, hopefully celebrating!

days twentyone and twentytwo

All is well in the fertility world this weekend, just pretty tired.

I am so thankful to have been kept busy this weekend.  I am also very thankful to have been able to spend time with my BFFF, that was really very much needed.  I am very proud of my nephew for 2nd place at conference!!  I am really looking forward to watching my niece play soccer this afternoon.  I am pretty all around feeling better and hopeful.

day twenty

...and I have a cold AGAIN!  What on earth is going on with you body?!  Yay for not having a horrible stomach today!  What a long strange journey this has been...so far :)

I'm so excited for my nephew's conference wrestling meet tomorrow, now if my cold would just subside a bit so I can go for the whole day.