day nineteen (readers beware TMI below)

I am totally grossed out by sticking a pill in my vagina before I go to bed and then the next morning some of it coming out.  It's NASTY and so much for having any intimate moments with my husband!  I feel like I have to squeeze my vagina closed really tight so none of the progesterone comes out which the nurse said it will as could part of the pill if it doesn't dissolve all the way.  Someday when my child is sassing off to me I will remind him/her of this!  T minus oh about 11 weeks and 6 days more of this IF I'm pregnant!  Just have to keep my eye on the prize :)

day eighteen

I'm finally feeling better and really happy we have "stuff" to keep us busy for the upcoming days because the unknown is starting to get to me.  Tomorrow = golfing!!!  We're both pretty excited to go bust out the clubs and hit the links.  As for updates I get to start my Progesterone tonight, not too excited about that but who would be excited about sticking a pill up into her girly parts?!?!  But I guess whatever it takes to get to the final outcome!

day seventeen

I'm still feeling stuffy but not as bad as yesterday and I also woke up with a raging headache.  So frustrating especially when I'm so scared and nervous to take any sort of medication. 

A few people have asked about what the success rates are for an IUI and I thought there was information online from our clinic but after looking again IUIs are not included in that data.

day sixteen

Ugh being sick sucks!  Apparently too much stress and anxiety leads to a horrible cold.  Come on body get better!

day fifteen

I'd love to be sleeping right now but I feel like poop, can't decide if I'm getting a cold or allergies are setting in for the year AND S is snoring and breathing really heavy. 

There is not much to report on the fertility end of things.  I have to start Progesterone this coming Wednesday and will continue those until I am about 12 weeks pregnant, IF this IUI works.  I also have to continue taking the Metformin until I have a Metabolic Panel done on April 8th but my RE said I will probably have to continue those for the 12 weeks also.  YAY DRUGS!

day fourteen

IUI COMPLETE!  S's swimmers were great, 17 million post washing (for IUIs and such sperm are "washed" to get rid of all the bad ones) and 100% motility!  Now we pray that one of those can find it's way to my egg.

We are so thankful to have made it this far.  Thank you to all of you who continue to support us!

day thirteen

Fertility can be very stressful but it also can have lighthearted and funny moments too like when I got my hCG shot last night from S in the booty while my parents and brother, sister in law, and niece watched via Skype!  S was actually really excited to give me the shot, not sure if it was because he finally got to be in control or he's just that big of a nerd.  The hCG shot did not hurt at all which coming from someone who is deathly afraid of shots and needles says A LOT!  My booty is sore today but otherwise no complaints.  The other funny moment from last night was before S mixed the hCG we watched some videos on YouTube about mixing hCG and giving intramuscular shots, gotta love the internet! 

We are asking for many prayers for tomorrow am as we move onto the next steps, for S to have outstanding swimmers and for the IUI to go smoothly as well as the doctor and nurse to work with gentleness and care.

day twelve

WE HAVE A FOLLICLE!!!  Everything is on track so far, the follicle is measuring 26.1 mm which according to our RE is perfect so is my uterine lining which is 8 mm thick.  I will get a shot of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) tonight at 9:30 then Saturday morning at 7:30 S gets to go in to provide his swimmers and as long as all is well we will get to do the IUI at 9:30!  What an answered prayer this has been that my body is working correctly.

days ten & eleven

I'm so tired from work over the past 2 days that I can barely think but all sorts of emotions continue to run through my head about my ultrasound tomorrow morning, which is probably a good thing I'm so tired maybe I'll actually be relaxed in the morning.

A moment that made us smile and laugh the other day that I wanted to share...after waiting til 2pm for more fertility drugs, HCG shot and Progesterone pills, to come in the mail it finally arrived!  I opened the box and to my surprise once opened was a bag of Hersey's Kisses!!!  It's the small things in life that really can make you feel loved by someone who does not even know you. :)

day nine

What could be more exciting than sitting at home all day waiting for your fertility drugs to be delivered?!  Maybe stalking Walgreens for the second time to see if my Letrozole pre approval has come through from the insurance company?!  The joys of trying to get pregnant...if only this were the "norm" for everyone it might make me feel a little bit better and not so angry and stressed all the time.

day eight

I'm already running out of things to say apparently it's going to be a long month, well no different then the past 28 months.

day seven

All done with the Letrozole!!!  Now praying that it works correctly this cycle and next weekend at this time we'll have completed our IUI.

day six

This song has been my theme song for the past few months.

Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now

Maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you'll see you'll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
And You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on you've gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
Before the morning

day five

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!  Over the past 2+ years so many holidays and birthdays come and go.  It is always a constant reminder we don't have children, we try to make the best of it and some are easier than others but holidays are so important to S and me.  As most people are celebrating St. Patty's day my mind is already onto the next holiday and the thought always creeping into my head I could be pregnant by then but that has been the same thought in my head for 2+ years now.  I continue to pray that one day I will get to celebrate all the holidays and birthdays with OUR children or child.

day four

  No new updates for today or probably the next few days just trying to manage the nausea from all the meds.  YUCK!

go right ovary!

So if fertility wasn't stressful enough, we are going to be cheering on my right ovary to produce a wonderfully perfect follicle for the best chance of getting pregnant.  My RE believes I have a blocked left fallopian tube, this is based off a test I had done this past fall called a hysterosalpingogram or HSG.  GO RIGHT OVARY GO!!!

day three

The ultrasound yesterday went great!  I start Letrozole today, which is a drug like Clomid.  I will take it for 5 days.  My RE also told me to start taking Vitamin B complex along with a prenatal vitamin (which I was already taking).  I'm starting to feel like my day revolves around taking drugs...Metformin and Letrozole with breakfast, Metformin with lunch, Metformin with dinner, and vitamins before bed.  UGH it's amazing I have time to do anything else!

day two

At 2 o'clock I am going in for an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok to move forward with our first and hopefully only IUI  cycle.  I'm really liking how on top of things the reproductive endocrinologist's (RE) office.  There is no messing around which is soooo comforting!

day one

Today begins our new journey to parenthood.  It is amazing to think, yet so scary, our 2 year and 3 month (so far...) journey could change in a matter of 28 days from today.  I am overwhelmed by all my feelings about what we are facing in the next 28 days; the unknown, the hope, the excitement, the worry.  I pray the Lord will provide us with strength and patience.