day nineteen and day twenty round three

Yippee skippy more blood work tomorrow.  I am having my progesterone levels tested, hopefully I will only continue with one pill and not two like last month that was no fun!

day eighteen round three

We could really use prayers for strength and understanding and patience.  Life is not easy when dealing with infertility, no matter how joyful we will be when we are finally pregnant and have a baby in our arms it will never change the valleys we had to trudge through to get there.  I know we have become stronger but there are days when we hurt each other so badly it seems like all our hopes and dreams are crushed.  No one can ever understand what it is we go through or that we argue because we are hurting so badly there does not seem like there is anything else to do but fight and be mean to one another.  I hate it because the person I need the most on this earth right now is my husband.

day sixteen and day seventeen round three

I really wish I could take back the decision to do this job because I do it all alone and this is not what I signed up for, I guess on to finding someone else to help me out around the property.  I really dislike my life right now and feel like I might as well be single.

days thirteen-fifteen round three

Apparently I'm turning into a slacker.  Quick update: 2 follicles grew this month one on the right ovary 21 mm and one on the left 33 mm(it hurt so I knew it was there).  The IUI went great, S was a rock star with 50 million swimmers after washing!  Now the waiting games starts all over again.

I am really thankful for my new job that keeps me on my toes and my mind occupied unlike previously when I was just sitting at home most days wondering what is going on in my body.

day twelve (oops skipped day eleven) round three

Dear Lord,

Please let my ultrasound today show the extra dose of Letrozole helped my body produce more than one follicle and that there is at least one follicle on my right ovary.  Watch over and comfort S as he is away from me today, give him the strength to get through his photo shoot with peace and without worry.  Help me to take this one day at a time and trust that You are in control and have a plan for us.  Thank you for being with me through this storm.

Amen!

day ten round three

I have yet to brag about my surprise from my mom and sisters...WE ARE GOING TO RASCAL FLATTS!  They are the best, they wanted to give me something to look forward to.  I could not ask for better family.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing family, you all rock!

day eight & day nine round three

It's really weird to have finished my last day of work with S, we will still be able to spend a lot of time together since I work from home which is great but it's strange to not be at his photo shoot this am with him keeping him company.  I am definitely going to miss that part of the job but am very ready for this new adventure which will keep me very busy I'm learning, who knew there was so much work to be done to keep a property in smooth running order.  As my sister said, "the manager is in!"

day six & day seven round three

Ugh life is so crazy right now, trying to finish one job and start another, finishing our move and settling in.  I guess it's somewhat a blessing in disguise to keep my mind off of our fertility issues for awhile.  I'm wiped out so not much to say at the moment.

days one, two, three, four, & five round three

Since my blog was not working for a few days, we were moving and I was starting a new job...the past five days are needless to say have been CRAZY!  My RE decided to up the Letrozole to twice a day which he did not decided until after our ultrasound appointment on Friday so we are not 100% sure why but are assuming the reason being that my body will respond even better to the Letrozole and create more follicles this cycle.  There is not much else on the fertility front.

We are really enjoying our new house, it is very quiet out in the "country."  As for my new job it's going I have not taken on all the responsibilities of the property manager yet but I am learning the ropes quickly.

day thirty round two

decisions, decision, decisions...I hate making them.

day twentynine round two

We are not sure where to go from here, we feel like such failures.  And if money wasn't an issue we would just keep on with what is the "norm" plan of action for fertility...IUI w/ Clomid or Letrozole/Femera, IUI w/ injectables, and finally IVF.  We barely can afford what we are doing right now but have all the love to the moon and back for a child(ren) we don't even know yet to bring them into our lives.  Again despite the storm we are facing I sit here and say Thank You Lord for this storm!

day twentyeight round two

There are no words to express how I feel after finding out I'm not pregnant.  The only words that come to mind are angry and broken.

day twentysix and day twentyseven round two

I tried really hard to not be bothered by Mother's day this year and the reminder of that I'm not a mother to a living child, the worst part might be that no one (aside from my 4 year old niece who told me Happy Mother's Day and gave me a dandelion which made my day) acknowledges that we are still parents even though our child only lived for 8 weeks and is now in Heaven.  I know it's a hard subject and people don't want to make me upset and sad but it's a lot harder when it goes unacknowledged, not that my family didn't love me and check in on me today.  It's just hard not being part of the "mother" club.

day twentyfour and twentyfive round two

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

day twentytwo and twentythree round two

I hate having to do two progesterone pills per day!  Nothing else to report.  It just sucks but I know it's worth it.

day twentyone round two

I had my progesterone tested today to check if my levels to see if my medicine needed to be adjusted or not.  Unfortunately I found out that I have to start doing 2 progesterone pills per day because my progesterone levels were a little low and this is something that my RE takes very seriously because it's so crucial to pregnancy.  I'm really really not looking forward to shoving more pills in my vagina.

day nineteen and day twenty round two

Thank you Lord for being there for me in every storm!  Today (Sunday) was one of the most uplifting days I have had in a long time.  It was such a breath of fresh air to speak to someone who has been in our shoes and now has 4 beautiful children.  Thank you Lord for giving me today!