a lemon

This is just for you Tina ;)  Your snack this week aka my baby is the size of a lemon!

2nd trimester

Today I am officially in my 2nd trimester (according to some)!  A lot of my pregnancy symptoms have not been as present as previous which I know I've been told by so many people that those start to go away toward or in the 2nd trimester this still makes me so uneasy.  I am trying to stay positive and enjoy each day but yesterday and today have not been that easy for me.

HOLY CRAP!

We made it to 13 weeks!  This is twice as long as I have ever been pregnant!  I feel like I climbed Mount Everest by getting this far I can't imagine how I'll feel once I have a baby in my arms!

once again...

 Our baby aka pumpkin aka shim (she/him) is wonderful.  At our appointment on Friday the doctor was not able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and said I knew we should just have done an ultrasound right away (he knew how nervous I was).  So off to the get an ultrasound we went and there our baby was jumping, flipping, moving!  We have never seen that before with our babies, we've never made it this far.  It was amazing to see!  The heartbeat was right around 150. 

so anxious

I feel like all I do is talk about how anxious I am just because or because of an appointment, today is no different.  I have an appointment this afternoon at 3pm, it's just a normal appointment we should be able to hear the baby's heart beat via sonogram being I'm right at the 12 week mark.  I wish I could let go of the control I want to have over this and just trust that everything is going to be alright.  Update to come later....

still so early

I have over the past week seen a few Facebook pregnancy announcements of people who are due in October as well.  Now I totally understand that not everyone has been down this long road and I still don't feel "safe" announcing our pregnancy to many people, I also understand that these people could be due earlier than me in October making them further along than I am but I still cringe every time I see an announcement and know about how far along they are.  I wish I lived in that crazy naive world they did but I'm sitting here questioning if my baby is still alive or not.  I have always wondered if people worry the way I do or are they really just that naive after a certain point or not at all with their pregnancy.  I'm praying this next appointment will continue to ease my nerves and daily worrying.

shared the news

Even though I'm feeling very anxious about our upcoming appointment on Friday I shared the news with a very very good friend, she is actually my long lost twin (long story and not true).  She texted me this morning saying "I had a dream you were pregnant with twins"  I had no idea how to respond to this so I said haha that would be awesome.  The text convo continued about pregnancy and I couldn't keep it in anymore so I spilled the beans!  She was so thrilled, she called immediately even though she was heading into work :)  It was even more fun to sure the news with her because she is getting married 2 weeks before our due date!!

hate these days

I hate the days when I'm feeling unsure and anxious about our baby.  I know this is out of my control but I just wish it was easier for me to relax.  I keep praying that our baby is safe and sound and still growing.

11 weeks

Holy bananas or holy lime we made it to 11 weeks!  It's hard to believe somedays that I'm still pregnant but I'm so thankful.