Forever in Our Hearts Remebrance Day

Since the loss of our second baby I have wanted to do something to remember both babies.  I knew October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss day and there are many events held around the US, so I was on a search to find one in WI.  I came across http://www.foreverinourheartsmadison.blogspot.com/ on the website http://www.iamtheface.org/ that had listings of events for October 15th.  After reading the two woman's stories who put the event together and how the money was going to be used I decided to invite my family to join us at this event in remembrance of our babies.  The Forever in Our Hearts Remembrance Day includes a walk, dove release, bubbles to heaven for the little kids, reading of babies names who have left this earth too soon, and an inspirational speaker.

I feel like this is a great way to continue our healing process and possibly connect with other couples who are facing loss as well.  For me it is important to do this to honor and remember our babies.  I am so thankful that my family has also agreed to do this, just wish the MT 4 could be there too.

poem

Grief is not a mountain to be climbed with the strong reaching the summit long before the weak.
Grief is not a an athletic event with the stop watches timing our progress.
Grief is a walk through loss and pain with no competition and no time trials.

I need to truly remind myself of this daily.

Healing

I honestly can say I feel like I'm healing.  I don't feel so sad and angry today or this past week like I had in the last few weeks.  I still have my moments of I should have a baby growing in my belly or a one year old running around but I don't.  I still have my hours/days when I don't feel like doing anything.  I do have an amazing husband, family, and bfff who continue to support me.  I am so glad I decided to give myself a challenge, something to focus my energy and time on The North Face Enduranc Challenge.  I feel like I'm in control of something, my own body something that for almost 3 years I have been angry with because it is not working the way it's supposed.  I feel like I am not only doing something for myself by running and eating better but I feel like I am doing something for my future child(ren) of creating a better environment for him/her/them to grow in.

My brain hurts

Seriously my brain hurts trying to wrap it around all the information I gather.  Yesterday I learned from a friend who is an o/b that an IUI can be done with ultrasounds, which really cuts down on the cost of the cycle especially for us because one ultrasound costs $495 and we have two done during a cycle.  He said that the cycle is just monitored with an OPK.  I was amazed this was even possible.  The down side to this, of course I Googled it this morning, is I don't think this will work for us since I don't ovulate on my own.  I'm debating if I should talk with him or another o/b again and they can look over my medical history to determine if this would be an option for a cycle or two to help cut the costs.  Ugh so many things to decide which I have time until my period arrives.

Laughter the best medicine...even for IF?!

Early Bird Catches the Sperm: A Music Video featuring Neil & Karen

And other videos featuring Neil & Karen...

Couch to 5K

I have given myself a goal, something to look forward to.  Why not make it something healthy as well?  OK!  I am going to do the 5K run in Sussex on 9/24.  I am going to get in shape by doing the Couch to 5K.  It is a 9 week program and I have 7 weeks to do it in :) I needed the motivation to get exercising again so this seemed like a great idea to me.  Today marks day 1, I am so thankful for the beautiful weather today so I am actually excited about going out and accomplishing my first day!

Cultures back...FINALLY!

One of the nurses called from my doctor's office at 7:55pm tonight to let me know my cultures for ureaplasma and mycoplasma were in.  The mycoplasma was negative but the ureaplasma was positive again, which I tested positive for back in Feb and we were both treated with antibiotics.  We are being put on a stronger dose of antibiotic this time and I'm being retested 1 week after I finished my antibiotic.  Ugh!  This could be the possible cause for our miscarriage but there is not guarantee that this was the cause either and there really is not much I can find at this time about the link between ureaplasma and miscarriages.  Just this Much remains to be learned about the exact role of infection in miscarriage, but both partners must be cultured for mycoplasma and ureaplasma, which can lead to recurrent losses if present.


So back to waiting again...