no body better lay a finger on my...

This has been my most recurrent craving, I actually had this same craving with my first pregnancy.  I could eat an entire bag of fun size right now!  Not a good thing though that there are 2 full bags of fun size in our house right now, I told S to hide from me so I don't eat them all while he's gone during the day :)

kick, kick, kick

After a few days of worrying that something was wrong with the baby, we had another answered prayer...we got to feel the baby kick from the outside!!!  I was laying in bed watching tv and had my hand on my stomach and all of a sudden I felt a kick and then another.  I screamed for S to come and asked him if he wanted to feel the baby kick...of course he did :)  He felt the baby kick a few times and I was so excited for him to finally get to experience that it's been a long 3 years!  Since Friday night the baby has been pretty active at night which is great since that's when S is home and can get the chance to feel the baby.  I am so thanful that our baby is strong enough to kick his/her momma already!

18 weeks

Today I am 18 weeks pregnant...and still worried.  I'm pretty sure I've felt the baby moving but not 100% like I previously was.  Today our baby is this big....

so worried

Since yesterday I have been so worried that something is wrong with the baby, I know this can be totally irrational fear but I hate to think mother's intuition is right.  My fear and worry comes from not having felt the baby move, I think I have in the past 2 days but not sure as before it was such a strong feeling now I'm questioning it.  I don't know what to do.  I'm not sure if I should call my doctor or if I'm just being the normal worrier that I am.  These are the days I wish I had a doppler to at least hear the heartbeat for some reassurance.

week 17

This is how big our baby is now!  No wonder why I have felt a lot more movement this past week.  I've been having some not so wonderful symptoms including headaches, sore neck, back pain which my OB thinks is my sciatica, and allergies...YUCK!  I feel good otherwise, small bouts of nausea and tiredness(mainly at the end of the day).

so emotional

I don't think I realized how much emotional I have been throughout this pregnancy or how much emotion I've been holding in.  I feel like I've clammed up to keep myself safe from getting hurt, most likely hurt again by loosing another baby.  Today those feelings kind of all came out and I feel like a mess but somewhat in a good way too to let it all out.  There is a lot of change going on and if you know me well I don't handle change very well.  I actually feel like the reality of having a baby is setting in which don't get me wrong I could not be more excited for this to finally happen but it is a little bit scary.

mother's day

In my life mother's day was never a big deal, when we were younger we always celebrated mother's day from what I remember but was never a huge event.  As I got older, mayber around 6 or 7, my mom started a tradition of planting flowers on mother's day which since then I have alway joined in unless you count my teenage years when according to my mom I just laid in the sun.  :)  Over the past 3 years I have not really wanted to acknowledge mother's day but still carried on the tradition of planting flowers with my mom.  This year was different for me even though I have lost 2 babies I feel more like a mother this year than years past.  I was celebrated this year as a mother to be!  It actually filled a little void in my heart and the love that I felt from my family was so overwhelming.  I will continue to carry on the tradition of planting flowers with my mom and my child(ren) in years to come.