"Welcome to the World of Make Believe"

That title seems so fitting for my life, The World of Make Believe or pretend.  I make believe I am happy and that my smile is genuine, that my laugh is the same laugh I laughed before all this horrible mess started over 2 1/2 years ago.  It's all for make believe to make myself feel normal.  There is no normal in my life anymore.  No happy.  No smile.  No laugh.  Most days I don't even care if I get out of bed or brush my teeth or eat or shower or leave the house.  Do I continue to do those things?  Yes but not because I want but because everyone around me needs for me to do those things to know I am ok.  The reminders are everywhere for me.  In my own house, on tv, on the radio, at the store, at the beach, the list goes on and on.  The fact remains the same I should be pregnant, seeing my baby again this week bigger and moving around but I'm not and that reality hurts the most that instead I continue to have spotting which per the doctor is going to happen and I sit waiting for the phone to ring with "good" news that there are no major problems.  As the days go on I dislike this life I was given even more and more, why me?  Why do I have to be the one person who has to suffer through this?  It's just me against my world of Make Believe.