rainbow

I hate to sound like "oh poor us," "our life is horrible," just in general whiny or that I'm throwing myself a pity party but the down right truth of it is that our plate is so full of negatives I can't help myself from sounding that way.  Both S and I were feeling on the up about our decision to be retested for ureaplasma and find a new OBGYN to get some input about our fertility, I even had spent much of the morning yesterday researching new OBGYNs.  We even had everything squared away with the financial end of thing with the fertility clinic so that didn't seem so bad anymore.  On Monday after I got home from dealing with the screwed up finances at the clinic S had informed me his boss had send him an email or maybe it was that she left him a voice mail either way it did not sound like good news but left it at "give me a call we need to talk about your draw account."  Just for understanding S has a draw account for work since he's 100% commission based, he has a set amount he is paid each week if he makes more than that amount it goes into the draw if he makes less than that amount the difference is drawn from the account to make up the difference which sometimes allows him to go negative in the account if he's not making a lot of money.  Well his work has been eliminating a lot of things to keep cost down for the company so both of us were pretty sure his company was going to be eliminating the draw account altogether and have to go to straight commission.  He finally got to talk to his boss last night on his way home from a very long day to find out that our suspicions were true, mostly.  The draw account was not being eliminated but the allowance for a negative balance was which for S means during his slow season January & February he won't be getting paid at all which also means we don't have insurance or he basically has til the end of the year to find a new job.  I wasn't overly surprised by this happening since I how poopy this company can be but it really hit me this morning thinking how much S busts his butt for that job, how much he has/does for that company.  As I was thinking about it I fell to my knees and all I could do was pray which feels like it came out more like begging the Lord for a new job for S, to ease this burden we both feel, to bless us with a child, to give me a sign of hope.  I knew I had to pull myself together and go check on some work that was done here yesterday.  I walked outside and go figure it started to rain but then the sun started to peak out and I looked to the west and there was my hope, my reassurance...a rainbow.